Islamic knowledge of health and hygiene

Friday, March 30, 2007
Islamic Knowledge of Health and Hygiene
Dear readers,
This is an excellent compilation of Medical knowledge of the greatest man (???) ever walked on earth. LOL.
This article, full of satire, is written by Ayesah Ahmed. My comments are in [Brackets] and in [CAPITAL RED ITALIC LETTERS]. Have fun while reading……..

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Use of Islamic Knowledge of Health and Hygiene Is a Must for All Muslims
A Satire
Ayesah Ahmed

Use of western knowledge is kufr (blasphemy) and its parishioners are apostates and infidels. Only Islamic knowledge of health and hygiene must be used in daily life because Allah has already given that information through Prophet Mohammed for a reason. In Quran he said so many times that he is your role model. Ignoring his sayings is ignoring your deen (religion) punishable with hellfire

The following information is presented for the good health of Muslim umma (believers).


Avoid Sicknesses By Clean Islamic HabbitsHOW TO CLEAN YOURSELF AFTER DEFECATING, THE ISLAMIC WAY Apostle of God used to clean himself after defecation using only odd number of stones. That is the sunna (examples set by Muhammad). Muslims living in U.S. can go to Home Depot and buy a bag of gravel for this purpose (the used gravel can be good landscaping material). Bukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Number 163:Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, " whoever cleans his private parts with stones should do so with odd numbers. And whoever wakes up from his sleep should wash his hands before putting them in the water for ablution, because nobody knows where his hands were during sleep."

[AND BELIEVE ME, MANY MUSLIMS STILL FOLLOW THIS 7TH CENTURY
ARABIC WAY, NO WONDER ALLAH WAS UNAWARE OF TOILET PAPER. LOL]
NEVER USE BONES OR ANIMAL DUNG AFTER DEFECATING
Jinns love to eat bones and dried animal dung. They don’t appreciate the contamination of their favourite delicacy with fecal matter and can pounce on the next guy they find sitting and defecating.Bukhari Volume 5, Book 58, Number 200:Narrated Abu Huraira:That once he was in the, company of the Prophet carrying a water pot for his ablution and for cleaning his private parts. While he was following him carrying it (i.e. the pot), The Prophet said, "Bring me stones in order to clean my private parts, and do not bring any bones or animal dung.""What about the bone and the animal dung?" He said, "They are of the food of Jinns. The delegate of Jinns of (the city of) Nasibin came to me--and how nice those Jinns were--and asked me for the remains of the human food. I invoked Allah for them that they would never pass by a bone or animal dung but find food on them."

[WHAT A HELLUCINATING PROPHET.LOL]


HOW TO URINATE
You must keep your right hand clean to hold Quran.
Bukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Number 156:Narrated Abu Qatada:The Prophet said, "Whenever anyone of you urinates he should not hold his penis or clean his private parts with his right hand.
[AND WHAT ABOUT A PERSON HAVING ONLY ONE HAND. TRULY PROPHETIC]
WASH YOUR NOSE FROM INSIDE IN THE MORNING
In the morning wash your nose from inside as Satan urinates and defecates inside while spending the night there. Otherwise you will have runny nose all day besides possible nose infections.Volume 4, Book 54, Number 516:Narrated Abu Huraira:The Prophet said, "If anyone of you rouses from sleep and performs the ablution, he should wash his nose by putting water in it and then blowing it out thrice, because Satan has stayed in the upper part of his nose all the night."
[WHAT AN ISLAMIC EXPLANATION]
WASH YOUR EARS FROM INSIDE IF YOU WAKE UP LATE If you wake up late in the morning and miss the fajr prayer, Satan who spends the night in your nose walks out and urinates in your ears. It results in ear infection. Bukhari Volume 2, Book 21, Number 245:Narrated 'Abdullah :A person was mentioned before the Prophet (p.b.u.h) and he was told that he had kept on sleeping till morning and had not got up for the prayer. The Prophet said, "Satan urinated in is ears."Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 492:Narrated 'Abdullah:It was mentioned before the Prophet that there was a man who slept the night till morning (after sunrise). The Prophet said, "He is a man in whose ears (or ear) Satan had urinated."

[ALL MUSLIMS WHO SLEEP TILL LATE SHOULD NOTE THIS]
OTHER GOOD HABBITS FOR GOOD HEALTH
Tabari II:99“Abraham was tested with ten Islamic practices: rinsing the mouth, cleansing nostrils with water, trimming the mustache, using a toothstick, plucking the armpit (ouch), paring nails, washing finger joints, circumcision, shaving pubic hair, and washing the rear and vulva.”
WOMEN MUST BE SHAVED
A shaved woman makes a tired husband after a long journey very happy.
Bukhari Volume 7, Book 62, Number 173:Narrated Jabir bin ‘Abdullah:The Prophet said, “If you enter (your town) at night (after coming from a journey), do not enter upon your family till the woman whose husband was absent (from the house) shaves her pubic hair .”



WOMEN MUST BE CIRCUMCISED
Circumcision keeps a woman from doing hanky panky thus protecting her from hellfire. Sunan Abu Dawud Book 41, Number 5251:Narrated Umm Atiyyah al-Ansariyyah:A woman used to perform circumcision in Medina . The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said to her: Do not cut severely as that is better for a woman and more desirable for a husband.

MENSTRUATION IS ILLNESS WHICH CAN BE CURED BY FONDLINGMenstruation is a sickness suffered by all women. Prophet used to cure his wives of this illness by fondling. Q 002.222: They question thee (O Muhammad) concerning menstruation. Say: It is an illness., .Bukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 646:Narrated 'Aisha:The Prophet used to treat some of his wives by passing his right hand over the place of illness.Bukhari IVolume 1, Book 6, Number 298:Narrated 'Aisha:The Prophet and I used to take a bath from a single pot while we were Junub. During the menses, he used to order me to put on an Izar (dress worn below the waist) and used to fondle me.Volume 1, Book 6, Number 299:Narrated 'Abdur-Rahman bin Al-Aswad:(on the authority of his father) 'Aisha said: "Whenever Allah's Apostle wanted to fondle anyone of us during her periods (menses), he used to order her to put on an Izar and start fondling her." 'Aisha added, "None of you could control his sexual desires as the Prophet could."Bukhari Volume 1, Book 6, Number 300:Narrated Maimuna:When ever Allah's Apostle wanted to fondle any of his wives during the periods (menses), he used to ask her to wear an Izar.
[TRULY ISLAMIC WAY TO CURE THE ILLNESS. LOL]

THE FLOOR WHERE YOU PROSTRATE MUST BE FREE OF URINE
During prophet time, dogs used to come and urinate in the mosque all the time. Prophet was so sick and tired that he ordered all dogs of Madina killed.
Bukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Number 174:Narrated Abu Huraira:Hamza bin 'Abdullah narrated: My father said. "During the lifetime of Allah's Apostle, the dogs used to urinate, and pass through the mosques (come and go).”Bukhari volume 4, Book 54, Number 540:Narrated 'Abdullah bin 'Umar:Allah's Apostle ordered that the dogs should be killed.[KILLING IS THE BEST ISLAMIC WAY TO SOLVE ANY PROBLEM. ALLAH DIDN’T KNOW OF DOORS. HOW FUNNY]NOISY AND SMELLY FARTS MAKE PEOPLE LAUGH AND BREAK THE PRAYERS
Every time prayer breaks you have to go and make a new wudu. It is really irritating when an imam has to break prayers and go for a new wudu. It is best imams stay away from beans. Bukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Number 137:narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, "The prayer of a person breaks by passing of wind from the anus."
. Once, after beans were served in walima feast at prophet’s house the isha prayer took two hours because prophet and all namazis were preaking prayer and making wudu repeatedly.Disruption was also caused by the namazis laughing out loud every time some one farted .Prophet had to turn around and stop them.Muslim:B40N6837Prophet advised in regard to people laughing at other’s passing wind from anus and said: ‘You laugh at that which you yourself do.’”

[NO CURSING FOR BEANS IN ISLAM???]



LITTLE FARTS (SILENT AND NON SMELLY) DON’T BREAK PRAYERSBukhari Volume 1, Book 4, Number 139:Narrated 'Abbas bin Tamim:My uncle asked Allah's Apostle about a person who imagined to have passed wind from anus during the prayer. Allah' Apostle replied: "He should not leave his prayers unless he hears sound or smells something.

DISEASES AND THEIR CURESAll diseases are not bad. Some are blessing in disguise.
PLAGUE AND ABDOMINAL DESEASES ARE BLESSINGS FROM GOD FOR BELIEVERS, THEY GET YOU THE RANK OF A MARTYR AND PRADISEBukhari volume 4, Book 52, Number 82:Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, "Five are regarded as martyrs: They are those who die because of plague, abdominal disease, drowning or a falling building etc., and the martyrs in Allah's Cause."Bukhari Volume 8, Book 77, Number 616:Narrated 'Aisha:
I asked Allah's Apostle about the plague. He said, "That was a means of torture which Allah used to send upon whom-so-ever He wished, but He made it a source of mercy for the believers, for anyone who is residing in a town in which this disease is present, and remains there and does not leave that town, but has patience and hopes for Allah's reward, and knows that nothing will befall him except what Allah has written for him, then he will get such reward as that of a martyr."Bukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 628:Narrated Anas bin Malik:Allah's Apostle said, "(Death from) plague is martyrdom for every Muslim."Bukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 629:Narrated Abu Huraira:The Prophet said, "He (a Muslim) who dies of an abdominal disease is a a martyr, and he who dies of plague is a martyr."

[CAN’T HAVE MORE CRAP THAN THIS. MO WAS REALLY AN ILLITERATE. LOL]CONTAGIOUS DESEASES ONLY CONVEYED BY ALLAH’S PERMISSIONSome small illnesses like menstruation, cold, cough, headache etc are authorized by Jibraeel. But contagious diseases need permission from Allah.Bukhari:V7B71N665“The Prophet said, ‘No contagious disease is conveyed without Allah’s permission.’”FEVER IS FROM THE HEAT OF HELLWhen Allah decides to give fever to some one he asks the hell to transfer the heat to the designated human body.Bukhari:V4B54N484“I heard the Prophet saying, ‘Fever is from the heat of the Hell Fire.’”
[HOW FUNNY. AND ALLAH KNOWS ALL]

URINE IS EXCELLENT FOR HEALTH
Urine is not only a great drink, it cures many diseases. Indian prime minister used to drink urine and lived a very long life. He taught President Carter that trick, and Carter is still alive and kicking. However camel urine is one notch above. Bukhari:V7B71N590“The climate of Medina did not suit some people so the Prophet ordered them to drink camel urine as a medicine.”[MUSLIMS SHOULD FOLLOW THEIR PEDO PROPHET AND SHOULD START DRINKING CAMEL URINE AS A MEDICINE. REMEMBER PEDO MO IS THE PERFECT EXEMPLAR TO BE FOLLOWED BY ALL MUSLIMS]

CURE ALL DESEASES WITH BLACK CUMINWestern corporations dread islam. They know that with islam comes the Islamic knowledge of useful cost saving short cuts. Imagine what will happen to Pharmaceutical industry if it becomes common knowledge that black cumin can cure all diseases except death.Bukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 592:Narrated Abu Huraira:I heard Allah's Apostle saying, "There is healing in black cumin for all diseases except death."DON’T LIKE BLACK CUMIN? TRY CUPPING, HONEY AND FIREBukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 585:Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:The Prophet said, "Healing is in three things: cupping, a gulp of honey or cauterization, (branding with fire) but I forbid my followers to use cauterization (branding with fire)."Bukari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 588:Narrated Abu Said Al-Khudri:A man came to the Prophet and said, "My brother has some abdominal trouble." The Prophet said to him "Let him drink honey." The man came for the second time and the Prophet said to him, 'Let him drink honey."He came for the third time and the Prophet said, "Let him drink honey." He returned again and said, "I have done that ' The Prophet then said, "Allah has said the truth, but your brother's abdomen has told a lie. Let him drink honey." So he made him drink honey and he was cured.


INDIAN INCENSE CURES SEVEN DESEASES INCLUDING THROAT TROUBLES AND PLEURISYBukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 596:Narrated Um Qais bint Mihsan:I heard the Prophet saying, "Treat with the Indian incense, for it has healing for seven diseases; it is to be sniffed by one having throat trouble, and to be put into one side of the mouth of one suffering from pleurisy
FLY WINGS HAVE DESEASE AS WELL AS CUREPharmacies can sell the fly wings which has cure.Bukhari Volume 7, Book 71, Number 673:Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, "If a fly falls in the vessel of any of you, let him dip all of it (into the vessel) and then throw it away, for in one of its wings there is a disease and in the other there is healing (antidote for it) i e. the treatment for that disease."

[SO HOW MANY MOMMINS ARE LETTING FLY DIP IN THEIR DRINK???]
IF YOU HAVE EPILEPSY,HANG IN THERE ,YOU GO TO PARADISEBukhari Volume 7, Book 70, Number 555:Narrated 'Ata bin Abi Rabah:Ibn 'Abbas said to me, "This black lady came to the Prophet and said, 'I get attacks of epilepsy and my body becomes uncovered; please invoke Allah for me.' The Prophet said (to her), 'If you wish, be patient and you will have (enter) Paradise ; and if you wish, I will invoke Allah to cure you.' She said, 'I will remain patient,
[ISLAMIC WAY TO ENTER PARADISE. LOL]
ABOUT PREGNANCY AND BABIES
Western doctors are amazed that prophet knew the things they still do not know. That is the reason that it is the fastest growing religion. Why do you think Maurice Bucaille , the french doctor wrote that islam is a scientific religion.
[YEAH, WE SHOULD BURN ALL THE MEDICAL SCIENCE’S RESEARCH AND SHOULD FOLLOW QURAN & SUNNAH TO HAVE DIVINE SCIENTIFIC KNOWLEDGE. WHAT A CRAP QURAN IS!!]

WOMB ANGEL CALLS ALL THE SHOTSBukhari Volume 1, Book 6, Number 315:Narrated Anas bin Malik:The Prophet said, "At every womb Allah appoints an angel who says, 'O Lord! A drop of semen, O Lord! A clot. O Lord! A little lump of flesh." Then if Allah wishes (to complete) its creation, the angel asks, (O Lord!) Will it be a male or female, a wretched or a blessed, and how much will his provision be? And what will his age be?' So all that is written while the child is still in the mother's womb."Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 430:Narrated 'Abdullah bin Mus'ud:Allah's Apostle, said, " a human being is put together in the womb of the mother in forty days, and then he becomes a clot of thick blood for a similar period, and then a piece of flesh for a similar period. Then Allah sends an angel who is ordered to write four things. He is ordered to write down his (i.e. the new creature's) deeds, his livelihood, his (date of) death, and whether he will be blessed or wretched (in religion). Then the soul is breathed into him.."
[NO COMMENTS]

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR FUTURE BABY FROM SATANRemember this next time you have sex.Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 493:Narrated Ibn 'Abbas:The Prophet said, "If anyone of you, when having sexual relation with his wife, say: 'In the name of Allah. O Allah! Protect us from Satan and prevent Satan from approaching our offspring you are going to give us,' and if he begets a child (as a result of that relation) Satan will not harm it."

[WOW!! TRULY MAGICAL. LOL]
PREGNANT WOMEN SHOULD STAY AWAY FROM SNAKES WITH TWO WHITE LINES OR SHORT TAIL TO AVOID BLINDNESS AND MISCARRIAGEBukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 527:Narrated 'Aisha:The Prophet said, "Kill the snake with two white lines on its back, for it blinds the on-looker and causes abortion."Bukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 528:Narrated 'Aisha:The Prophet ordered that a short-tailed or mutilated-tailed snake (i.e. Abtar) should be killed, for it blinds the on-looker and causes abortion."Volume 4, Book 54, Number 529:Narrated Abu Mulaika:Prophet said, 'Do not kill snakes except the short-tailed or mutilated-tailed snake with two white lines on its back, for it causes abortion and makes one blind. So kill it.'[ONLY PEDO MO OR ALLAH COULD KNOW THAT]

HOW TO GUARANTEE PREGNANY AND A MALE CHILDWhy bother with X and Y chromosomes. Just say inshallah for a male child specially if you want him to strive for Allah, and become a suicide bomber to kill infidels.You have to make sure you say “inshallah” before you have sex with your spouse if you want pregnancy and a male child.Bukhari Volume 4, Book 52, Number 74i:Narrated Abu Huraira:Allah's Apostle said, "Once Solomon, son of David said, '(By Allah) Tonight I will have sexual intercourse with one hundred (or ninety-nine) women each of whom will give birth to a knight who will fight in Allah's Cause.' On that a (i.e. if Allah wills) but he did not say, 'Allah willing.' Therefore only one of those women conceived and gave birth to a half-man. By Him in Whose Hands Muhammad's life is, if he had said, "Allah willing', (he would have begotten sons) all of whom would have been knights striving in Allah's Cause."
[WHAT A LIBIDO AND WHAT A LOGIC!!!]

HOW TO DETERMINE THE LOOKS OF YOUR BABY BEFORE BIRTH
Basically it is a game of control.Bukhari:V4B55N546“Allah’s Apostle said, ‘Gabriel has just now told me of the answer. If a man has sexual intercourse with his wife and gets discharge first, the child will resemble him, and if the woman gets discharge first, the child will resemble her.’”

[REALLY ISLAM HAS SOLUTION OF EVERY PROBLEM OF MUSLIMS]
MALE SEMEN IS WHITE AND THICK ,FEMALE SEMEN IS YELLOW AND THINIshaq:255“Jewish rabbis came to the Apostle and asked him , ‘Why does a boy resemble his mother when the semen comes from the father?’ Muhammad replied, ‘Do you not know that a man’s semen is white and thick and a woman’s is yellow and thin? The likeness goes with that which comes to the top.
[ISLAMIC SCIENCE ON DISPLAY]

BABY’S SKIN COLORTabari I:258“Allah sent Gabriel to the earth to bring Him some clay. The earth said, ‘I take refuge in Allah against you mutilating me. Then He sent the angel of death. He took some soil from the earth and made a mixture. He did not take it from a single place but took red, white, and black soil. Therefore, the children of Adam came out different.”
[IN ISLAM WHEN YOU MAKE A MIXTURE OF THREE DIFFERENT COLOURED CLAY/SOIL, IT STILL GIVES THREE DISTINCT COLOURS. ALSO ALLAH DIDN’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CLAY AND SOIL. NO DOUBT HE IS ALL KNOWLEDGEABLE. LOL]

WHY BABY CRIES AT BIRTHBukhari Volume 4, Book 54, Number 506:Narrated Abu Huraira:The Prophet said, "When any human being is born. Satan touches him at both sides of the body with his two fingers, except Jesus, the son of Mary, whom Satan tried to touch but failed, for he touched the placenta-cover instead."

[STILL NEED TO SAY SOMETHING]

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